Emperor Augustus Reincarnated.

Inside the National Party Elite Headquarters:

Chapter One:

Let the battle begin;

Is there a new Emperor Augustus in the making? Sometimes dreams or nightmares do come true. 

The planning actually started after winning the 2011 election, they, a few of the victors and their backers, gathered in a secret back room at Aucklands Sky City Booze and gambling barn and laid out their strategy for winning the 2014 election.

It wouldn’t be easy because winning three elections has not been their historic habit. But never had they had such a popular [and wealthy] leader, whom the media just drool over, so maybe they could just pull it off in 2014.

When the leader who had just flown in from yet another holiday in Hawaii: suggested in 2011 that in 2014 they would be an irresistible force and have a glorious victory, all the inner sanctum members stood and cheered with great gusto. He, the leader, knew they would after all their futures depended on him being successful, his money had brought them, and his popular support had been their stepping stone into cabinet. Each one owed him heaps, and he would make them pay, with interest for his backing.

The strategy was agreed on, the funding allocated, and the troops prepared. Such political and financial scheming had never been so meticulously constructed before in the annals of the party history. Steven Joyce the so-call self appointed party strategist, who had taken over from wee Murray McCully, stood and started on his normal extended boring address. The leader, who had heard it all before, dosed off and dreamed of other things…

He dreamed that under his divine and gifted leadership, he and his party would rule for a hundred years or more, maybe even a thousand, he would be a modern day Augustus and Judith Collins could be his Livia and poison any who stood in his way as he created a family dynasty based on money, financial control and manipulation, and total subjugation of the masses.

A modern day Roman style Empire here in the South Pacific, and all created by a ‘state house’, son of a solo mum, who had his meager education paid for by the state. Oh he though my place in history is secure…he dreamed of scones with the Queen and golf with the President of the US…he dreamed of being loved by the elite, the wealthy, the rich and famous…it was such a lovely dream…as he sat on his throne counting his money…like King Midas…like God…maybe they would make him a God…not bad for a young Jewish guy…

“Wake up”, said his deputy, “The boss of Sky City wants to have a chat with you in his office, remember you agreed to do so because of Sky City’s massive donation to our election campaign”, his deputy had a sort of whining tone, a spooky voice really.

“Thanks Bill”, said the leader, I was having a nice wee dream, while the mouth [Steven Joyce] was making his mind-numbing speech”.

Now all this took place back in November / December 2011 and it’s all true because John Banks said so, and John Banks would never lie…now would he.  

Chapter two:

It is now January 2014 and the leader has once again flown back from his mansion in Hawaii and is reviewing his strategy for this election year. Two years have sped by since their narrow victory in 2011. Things had not gone exactly as planned.

They are not meeting at Sky City, not because he is not popular with its owners, they think highly of him and his gift to them, but because public opinion has altered and the less he is seen with them the quicker the rotten and corrupt smell of their lop-sided deal might abate.

Hit Kid Whale Oil Slater.

Instead they are meeting at a backstreet restaurant selected by his back room buddy and all round fibber, the ever resourceful Luigi Wewege and corporate funds collector Steven Joyce plus his busty chief enforcer Judith Collins better known to him as Livia, and deep in the back ground, chained to the wall while chewing on a bit of green leather is Cameron Slater better known as [drippy] Whale Oil…the master of all things sleazy, which would suggest that they’ll be using a lot of sleaze during this year 2014.

The leader is concerned about the coming year, firstly his true and trusty bribed friends Peter Dunne who has been done over by revealing state secrets to one Andrea Vance  and his Auckland ex-mayoral best buddy and cup of tea pal John Banks, is awaiting trial for fraud, and that’s not nice.

The leader could find him-self in court for telling fibs in March or April of 2014, but he hopes that his chat with Obama in Hawaii will fix that little problem by Obama ordering a drone strike on the fat nasty German sometime in the near future but especially before his trial begins in March or April 2014.

Still in his favour, he’s now got Paul Henry [A failed talkback host and Australian media front man flop] on the payroll of Mediaworks, thanks to Steven Joyce. Also his PR buddy Mike Hoskins will play a vital role in spreading the news according to Augustus and Livia’s perspectives…Oh its great to have so many ‘Yes’ men in the media. But will it be enough to turn the growing tide; this uncontrollable social media is proving to be a real pain in the backside. 

And those left wing bloggers keep telling people to vote…if everyone votes we are dog tucker, thinks the leader…you see there are heaps more poor than there are rich and they, the poor grow larger in number by the day…where as the rich bugger off overseas to places like Hawaii and other tax havens.

The public showed its true feelings about the Asset sales…even his own supporters have spoken out against it…and it hasn’t brought in anything like the billions needed for another round of tax cuts for his mates.

So there was no elation at this meeting of the elite ruling team, just a sort of urgency with a touch of gloom, so far ten or eleven of their parliamentary team have handed in their notices and three of four others have already departed for more dependable futures…maybe the rats are fleeing the sinking ship…maybe the leader himself will sneak out the back door, after all that was manner by which he entered the wonderful world of power politics.

When they departed the unknown and poorly lit restaurant, sadly no one remembered to unchain Cameron Slater [Whale Oil] and it wasn’t until the next day that the cleaners noticed him crying in the corning and muttering that no body loved him…the cleaners [even on $13.50 per hour] had pity on him and gave him a class of water…and released him from his chains and he swore that from now on his vote would go to The Greens or the Mana Movement, or Labour or even to New Zealand First, or the Conservatives’ even though they are just a bunch of bible bashers, he’d give his vote to anyone so long as it wasn’t the National Party…and he was going to give them back their blood money…

But the truth is, that the leaders, or Augustus fate, is in your hands, you can believe the crap that will be fed to you over the next few months…or you can believe your own eyes, you’ve seen Hekia Parata in action closing schools, you’ve seen Simon Bridges on TV 3 telling you how wonderful the mining companies are, you’ve watched Tim Groser give away our country by agreeing to anything the US tells him, you’ve observed Murray McCully kiss the hand of dictators, and you’ve watched Paula Bennett disclose private client information relating to confidential matters to the media out of spite. Oh I could go on.

Nationals 2014 plan is: To get voters not to vote…they all agreed that its their only hope. That is their strategy…so what are you going to do, that is the question.